That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
