I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
