I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
