its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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