why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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