i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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