evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We need to rekindle our bromance
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
