Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
40s are totally the cure
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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