Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Randomize
