Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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