She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize