You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
