On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
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