ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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