im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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