..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
