There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
