it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
