What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
