Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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