I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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