It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
