Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
