After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
