Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
