And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
