that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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