I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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