Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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