thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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