Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
