that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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