I must be too annoying 4 u.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
