Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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