I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
