Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
