I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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