I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
