brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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