Sponge bath it is.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize