Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She's the barista slut.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
3pm strippers are depressing
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
