Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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