I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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