Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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