Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
