our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
