If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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