Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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