one might say we're banned from that church
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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