dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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