That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
