Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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