I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
