My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I party with great urgency now.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
