i may or may not be watching the land before time
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
