Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
