my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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