Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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