one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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