Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
