Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
