do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
