Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize