hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
