So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
