Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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