Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
